| They Say It's Your Birthday! (8/14/11) |
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So, in less than 12 hours I will officially be a year older. Don't worry, this is not a post to guilt everyone into saying the customary "Happy Birthday" but rather a post to say, "Holy Moses, another year has passed and what the hell am I doing with my life."
It continues to amaze me that as another birthday arrives in all it's grandeur and then hastily leaves after too much partying, I don't feel any older. My body would loudly disagree with that statement, but it is the truth from my mind's perspective. Most of the time, I still feel like a teenager, but without all the teenage angst (it has been replaces with adult anxiety). I still love music, I am still an advocate for the underdog, I still feel the injustices of the world at a soul deep level and I still love, love, love to write. What has changed though, is my feelings of invincibility. I see it in my teenage son and it brings back memories of how those feelings would cause me to do things that I probably would have to think a long time about now. I did things with no thought of consequences, lived much more in the moment and survived another day to tell about it.
In my teens and early twenties, life just seemed to roll along, with or without me. There really wasn't a concept of time for me, no urgency to get things done. I felt like life was never ending, I had countless days to make mistakes, learn from them (or not), then make some more as the cycle repeated. I didn't think "I have to get this right NOW because time is running out and I may not have another chance to do it again." Time was my friend and as I get older, it becomes more my enemy. Well, enemy is a strong word, how about that not so close relative who constantly points out something that you wish they would just keep to themselves. They remind you every time they see you that you haven't done this or that and probably never will. That is how I feel about time these days. My biological clock isn't ticking anymore in regards to birthing babies, it is ticking in regards to birthing dreams.
When I turned forty, it wasn't a big deal at all. In fact, I declared to my family that it was the beginning of the "Me" decade. At the time, I really didn't have a clear idea of what that meant, just that I was going to be doing a lot of work on me, spending lots of time with me, getting to know me, becoming friends with me and ultimately falling in love with me. What a wild ride it has been. At times, the work has been much more difficult than I had imagined. There have been moments when I had to walk away from myself because things were getting too intense and I needed a recess from all the lessons. Sometimes I have thrown temper tantrums (as previously discussed). I have had many good cries, consumed lots of wine, soaked in nice hot bubble baths, gone for long walks out in nature, hung out with some very cool people and locked myself away in solitude to write. I have gotten to know me intimately these past several years and can honestly say that I have become my friend, a friend who I can always count on to tell it to me straight, who is always there for me, a dear friend who I love unconditionally, Very sappy I know but sometimes the truth is really sunshine and lollipops!
So here's to another year of birthing dreams, another year of traveling the path with friends and family who love and support me. Priorities are becoming more clear, my focus is narrowing while simultaneously opening. I can see what needs to be done from the big picture perspective and the view is thrilling. I am no longer the only one in my world bubble, it has expanded to include all the people of the world. Tomorrow I celebrate my birth day with human beings near and far, of all color, race, gender, sexual preference, religion, size/shape and I will say a prayer to join us all in love. Let every day be a Birth Day! |
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Keep it up Christie!