Several things in my life right now feel very up in the air, like helium filled balloons, bobbing on the ceiling with their strings hanging down just out of my grasp.  Life things that feel enormous to me yet when I look around at the life things happening to others, my balloons are just normal size, neither too big or too small. 

That is where writing comes into play; it is always there for me.  There are times when I feel like it is a little sister following me around, begging me to play with her, irritating me to the point that I want to run fast away so she can't find me and this is when I know that something needs to be written, needs to be said that I am avoiding saying or even feeling.  Other times, it is my best friend, my secret confidante and I can't wait for a few moments to myself so that I can be with the pen and the paper - feel the words as they are being birthed with ease, no labor pains, no drugs, just feeling the graceful tumbling out, and I am in love, dizzy in love.  I cannot hide from writing nor do I want to.  Just like the kid sister, who I know follows me around because she loves me, because I have something to offer her, because I am her voice, her safety and I love her back, writing is there, always.  I see the world in letters, mixed with colors and beautiful musical notes and I am at peace.

Well, I have been absent for a bit but not because of writer's block, although I have experienced it before and I am sure I will again.  For me, writer's block happens when I forget where I put the key to the room that has all the words that I would like to use.  I can hear them laughing, dancing and singing, playing joyfully as I stand outside, blocked off, denied access by none other than myself.  I either cannot remember where I put the key/code or I am just being lazy and don't feel like looking for it.  Either way, I am at a loss for words and until I can sit still for a minute or several and recall how to access those darn letters of the alphabet, I won't be able to let them out to play with me. There are days when I stand looking at that door, sighing in defeat and other days, I can walk over and turn the handle to find it was never locked in the first place.

So, while I sat around, distracted by life, caught in the spectrum where sadness resides, I decided to look through some of my past writings and I found an oldie but a goodie, in my humble opinion.  So, please humor me while I humor myself and enjoy my welcoming in of 2009.

Welcome 2009!! You came in quietly, with no bells or whistles, no band playing.  You just slid right in and the air crackled with the electricity you brought.  No visible change, but definitely a physical presence was felt and yet not readily viewable to the naked eye.  What does time mean anyway - what is a number of a year, a day, a month?  The days flow along like the lines on a cardiogram, with the occasional out of the ordinary blip - those are the days to be remembered.  Gliding along, until you you hit the pit in the ice, which causes you to stumble, sometimes falling to the ground and other times finding your balance before the tumble.  Those are the days, the days that can change the direction of the cloud movement, or the direction of the rolling of a wave, however slight it may be.  It is in these moments our next creation is born.  If you are still enough, you can catch the butterfly on your hand, see that shooting star or watch that leaf fall from the tree.  Be aware of everything, tune your senses so as not to miss any of it.  After all, you are part of the creation, creating.  It is your blank canvas, your unsculpted clay - breathe life into it.  Take a deep breath and just blow.

Technology - it can be a blessing and also a curse.  We are now able to communicate with people all over the world in a matter of minutes. We can access information on almost anything in the blink of an eye but what happens when we come to rely on technology?  What happens to the story we are working on that we forgot to save on the computer?  What about trying to use our cell phones while stranded in a remote area that has neither cell phone access or people access?  Gotta love it and hate it. 

When we come to rely too much on resources outside ourselves, become dependent on the outer world and it's technical offerings, we can lose what's inside us, our internal guidance system and the joy we get from experiencing things sensorially.  We forget what watching a sunrise can do to us and the way the sun's warmth feels as it slowly spreads over our body.  Outside, we deeply breathe in the smell of freshly cut grass and the flowers blooming in the backyard, the smell of the clean earth after a rain shower.  While sitting inside interacting with our electronic gadgets, we forget about the comfort of the human touch, what a hug can do for us or someone who is hurting.  I smile as I think back to playing with a baby and hearing that wondrous, no-holds-barred giggle.  I want to move my body when I hear a certain song and I want the space to move it in, not just in front of the television or the computer or in my car.   Nothing can compare to hearing the sound of a loved one sharing their day, their voice rising on the exciting parts or slowing down on the sharing of a sad event - much different than our own voice reading it in an email.  Technology has opened up the world in many different ways, yet for me, it will never replace the elation I get from experiencing something with my six senses.