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I have decided that I have a "love/hate" relationship with cleaning my house. I absolutely love it when it is clean yet I do not like doing the work. Having an obsessive/compulsive personality (I have never been diagnosed so I refuse to label it a disorder) tends to make it even more difficult because I cannot seem to just straighten up or do "commercial" cleaning as my mom calls it. I do the heavy duty stuff every time. This causes me to put it off, and put it off and after a few of these weeks, it then takes me a few more weeks to start the visualization process of me with a cleaning rag in my hand. You would think that I was training for the Olympics, the way I mentally prepare for the "event", as I call it. When finally the time comes to pick up my supplies, hoist the vacuum up the stairs, I can hear the theme from "Rocky" start to play in my head. I will not be beaten by the opponent, I will conquer the dirt and scum and emerge the winner! The scent of Pine Sol fills my nostrils and I know that the end is near. The sun shines brightly through the crystal clear windows, and the angels are singing. I drop the last of the rags in the washer, put away my glorious weapon, the vacuum and sit quietly for a moment, reveling in this moment of victory. My medal is a glass of celebratory crimson wine, poured of course over the sink! Read 4 Comments... >> |
The denseness of this world is pretty convincing. We have created a 3D world that has everything - beauty, bleakness, drama, joy, lightness. We have it all and sometimes it is easy to get caught up in the physicality of it all. We get a foot caught in a crack in the concrete or a finger tangled in the thick brush and for what can seem like forever, we are unable to move. We feel trapped, stuck and panic may set in. It seems so real and we forget who we are and what we are capable of - pure energetic beings, pure creation. We are organic, with no limits on what we can be, do or have. It is so simple that we try to make it more difficult, more challenging, so we can justify all the hard work we put into freeing ourselves from the trap. There are times when I feel caught that sound can soothe me and other times when silence is necessary to loosen the ties of reality. I welcome it like a beloved returning home from a long trip, as I open my arms, pulling it in close - with complete knowing of our dependence on one another. Read 1 Comments... >> |
Life is good, once again. Although it is a bit cold and gray outside this morning with the wind blowing it's solo, there is a warm patch inside my soul. Doesn't matter the size, it doesn't have to be too big, just a small swatch is enough to spread the warmth. Some days, as I sit creating my life with vivid pictures in my head, there is a current of electricity that is running through me and I am humming and buzzing along. I love that feeling! Other days, I feel a bit flat-lined, very even flowing, needing to check for a pulse because I am not feeling that energy, that aliveness. I am coming to realize that both these types of days are okay, to appreciate the quiet and the stillness where it seems there is lack of movement. This is when I replenish, fill the well and give back to myself for those times when I am creating and putting it all out there. It's not that there isn't a pulse, it is just that the flow is delicate, filling this precious vessel in such a way as not to break it but to strengthen it. Read 2 Comments... >> |
I try to retreat back into my shell, only to find I have outgrown it - it no longer fits. My head pokes out; I can't seem to get it in any farther. My supposed need for safety and security keeps me stuck in one spot, afraid to move as fear smiles at my cowardice, yet the realization that my shell can no longer hold me stirs up a soft breeze of courage - nothing to harsh but gentle strength that flows through me. I can no longer pretend that I am something other than what I have come to know. Hiding is no longer an option for when I search my soul, there is nothing to hide from. "Trust" is whispered as I close my eyes and feel the truth that I have run from all of my life. There is nothing off-limits, nothing is impossible, it is all there, just waiting for me to reach out and grab it. There are no time constraints, all is waiting for me and will be there when I am ready and yes, I am ready, I am so ready. "Come to me softly, there is no pain in love, just pure joy. Let your heart smile." Read 0 Comments... >> |
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